As parents, we step into caregiving with open hearts and good intentions. But when we’re raising children who have experienced trauma, the journey can feel very different than we imagined. Behaviors rooted in fear, hurt, and mistrust can leave us feeling drained, disconnected, and even resentful at times. This feeling at times can even make us wonder if we regret adopting, or wish we could just get away from our kids and our situation.

This experience has a name: Blocked Care.

Blocked Care happens when the constant stress of parenting a child with high needs begins to shut down a parent’s ability to access their natural compassion. Instead of feeling connected, we may notice ourselves feeling irritated, hopeless, or emotionally numb. It’s important to know: Blocked Care is not a sign of failure, but a deeply human response to prolonged stress.
The good news? Blocked Care doesn’t have to define your story.

The Path Back: Reclaiming Compassion Through Support & Practice

Reclaiming compassion is a process, it doesn’t happen overnight. The journey back involves reconnecting with your nervous system, reclaiming your sense of self, and weaving in practices and support systems that help you stay grounded, resilient, and present. Here’s how you can begin:

1. Understanding Stress & Your Body – When we go through long periods of stress, our bodies start reacting as if we’re in danger—even when we’re not. That’s why we might find ourselves snapping, shutting down, or feeling like we want to run away. These are what people call “fight, flight, freeze, or collapse” responses. It’s not that you don’t care about your child, it’s that your body has slipped into survival mode. The first step toward change is simply noticing when this is happening. Once you see it, you can begin to take small steps to calm your body and find your way back to connection.
2. Taking Care of Yourself – You’ve probably heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” It’s true. If we run ourselves ragged, there’s nothing left to give. But so often as parents or grandparents, we push our own needs aside or feel guilty for wanting a break. The truth is, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish… it’s what allows you to keep showing up with love and patience. That might look like:
   • Noticing what your body is telling you: “Am I tense? Am I holding my breath?”
   • Naming your feelings: “I’m tired.” “I’m overwhelmed.” “I’m sad.”
   • Asking for help and setting limits instead of trying to do it all alone.
   • Making time for small things that refill your tank, like a walk outside, journaling, prayer, or doing something creative.
   • When you care for yourself, you’re not just helping you, you’re making it possible to connect more fully with your child.
3. Simple Tools to Reconnect – Even in tough moments, small things can help you feel more grounded and closer to your child:
   • Take short pauses: Stop for a deep breath before moving on to the next thing.
   • Focus your eyes: Look steadily at something calm and still (like a tree, picture, or wall) to steady yourself.
   • Breathe together: Sit with your child and match your breathing to theirs. Your calm can help them calm, too.
   • Keep words simple: Phrases like, “I know you’re hurting,” or “I’m here when you’re ready,” show you’re present without pressure.
   • Stick to routines: Mealtimes, bedtime, or family rituals give kids safety and predictability.
4. Finding Support in Others – Trying to handle everything alone can make Blocked Care feel even heavier. Sharing your story with people who “get it” makes a huge difference. Whether it’s a support group, a trusted friend, or other parents walking a similar path, being seen and understood brings hope and encouragement. You don’t have to do this in isolation.
5. Professional Help When You Need It – Sometimes extra support is what gets us unstuck. That could look like:
   • Talking with a therapist who understands trauma and adoption.
   • Doing family sessions or parent coaching to learn new tools.
   • Attending workshops or trainings on parenting through trauma.
   • Saying “yes” to respite care so you can take a real break.

These supports don’t mean you’re failing—they’re there to help you refill your cup so you can keep showing up for your child.

Recommended Resources: Book & Podcast

As you walk this path, it’s helpful to have companion guides. Two resources we strongly recommend:

1. Book: Reclaiming Compassion (a guiding resource for caregivers navigating the terrain of blocked care and rediscovery of connection) You can find it here: https://a.co/d/fryI7vo
2. Podcast: The Big Baffling Behavior Show podcast by Robyn Gobbel — Episode 123 Healing Blocked Care with Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls Designed to help caregivers understand, process, and move through blocked care. You can find it here: robyngobbel.com/blockedcare (if the link doesn’t load right away, you might access episodes through your usual podcast app).

How Kindred Hearts Can Support You

At Kindred Hearts, we know this journey firsthand. We walk alongside adoptive, foster, and kinship families through counseling, parent support groups, youth mentoring, respite opportunities, education workshops, and more. You don’t have to navigate the weight of Blocked Care alone—we’re here to support you, remind you that you’re not failing, and help you reconnect with the compassion that’s already inside you.
If you’d like to learn more or get connected with our services, visit our website at kindredheartsprogram.com or give us a call. Together, we can help you reclaim compassion and rebuild connection.

Haley Bagnaschi – Executive Director